


Growing Pains

by IdlyWoolgathering



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Loneliness, Mentioned Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn Lives, basically just a short little blurb about qui-gon missing obi-wan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:00:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25873252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdlyWoolgathering/pseuds/IdlyWoolgathering
Summary: The padawan leaving the master was normal, natural- so why did Obi-Wan's absence hurt so much?
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	Growing Pains

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in college now and I'm lonely af and missing my twin so this was just me projecting, basically. I stopped wanting to cry while writing it so that's good, right?

Qui-Gon has always known this day would come- after all, wasn't it the way of life? The padawan leaves the master, and the cycle repeats. He should be proud- he _is_ proud, so very proud of Obi-Wan.

The house is just so very quiet.

Obi-Wan isn't a loud person- truthfully, he exists very quietly. Voice measured, steps soft, force presence shielded. His padawan has always been reserved, even in his own home. The loss is loud regardless, in the lack of person steadily breathing in the other room, the sound of a cup being placed on the table, the absence of flimsi rustling. It is just Qui-Gon and his plants, and the muffled, quiet temple around him.

Qui-Gon feels so very alone.

He is surrounded by people, he knows, and while many would probably understand, there is no one who can _help_ him. _Growing pains_ , the older masters would say kindly if he asked them, which Qui-Gon already knows. He _knows_ but it does nothing to fix the hole in his mind where the training bond used to be. It doesn't help that he can't even distract himself. While everyone around him is going on, being a Jedi, _he_ is stuck here at the temple, barred on medical leave with no one but himself and the thoughts in his head. He feels like a bother, like a waste of space. What in the force is wrong with him?

He misses Obi-Wan so badly it aches and he doesn't know _why_. He and Obi-Wan have been separated before, and it isn't like he won't see him again! He will, and his Obi will be stronger and brighter and happier. But he supposes that's the problem. He will see Obi-Wan and it will be different. He will see his padawan- his _knight_ \- and see all the progress he wasn't there to see him make. They will be together and then Obi-Wan will _leave_ , and go and sleep in his own quarters and live his own life. It won't be like before. It will _never_ be like before.

The back of his eyes burn, but he refuses to cry. He is a Jedi Master. He isn't going to cry because he's _lonely_ , force damn it! He will find a new schedule, try to find something new to do, and try to reconnect with the temple, ever so distant to him. He will be alright. He _must_ find a way to be alright, because after all, isn't it selfish of him to want to hold Obi-Wan back, to ache so much at the will of the force?

This is good. This is natural. It is only growing pains.

He repeats the mantra in his head as he moves to the tea kettle determinedly and heats the water. _This is good. This is natural. It is only growing pains._ He takes the tea tins, shaking them absently as he begins distributing the tea. Sapir for himself, to calm him, and the Alderaan blend Obi-Wan is so fond of for- he freezes, stricken.

_This is good, this is natural, it is only-_

The dam topples and shatters into a thousand little pieces. With a deep, painful, shuttering breath, Qui-Gon falls to his knees, clutches the counter, and _cries_. Cries over the little red-head boy he took on, the one who grew up too quickly. Cries for Bandomeer, Melida/Daan, Naboo, and the countless other horrors Obi-Wan overcame. Cries because the years passed before he knew it, before he could stop to savor such simple, little things.

He cries because, selfish or good or natural or _whatever_ , he misses his padawan, and it is as simple as that.

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanna clarify that Qui-Gon thinking it is selfish to miss Obi-Wan is all him, and not actually what the Order/Code/Force teaches. He's just trying to rationalize the pain away :(


End file.
